The main dishes. The others are just side dishes.
It has been like this, again and again. I always post something at the start and at the end of my holiday. When my holiday is over and my schedule is crazily pack, then, I'll try my best to find a way to post something even the most unimportant thing to say. Even when there is none available. Same goes to my other social network. Well i think, i always write when life is so damn hard and there is nothing else that can cheer me up. i need a break.
Lately, I realise that everyone have problems and people tend to keep them to themselves just to prevent it from affecting others. I find it to be so deep. Very deep that it made me ended up with tears. We will never understand others when we never experience the same thing. It is so simple. To be honest, i always hope others to understand. The condition that i'm in, my family is in right now. But i get it now. As clear as the flowing water. Just don't force people to understand. What will I get by doing that? Affecting their life so that I'll get my own self-satisfaction?
And so i go on with my daily life. Attending to my father's calls like for 24/7. when i feel i couldn't stand it sometimes, I just tell my mom, "mom, I’m gonna sleep upstairs" and she'll always said, "ok, it's fine". I know that, at times like this, the only thing that we need is support from each other’s. No need for comments. No need to be so demanding. No need to condemn others saying that, "I did more than you". None of those will do any better for our life and others. It's useless.
But life can be so threatening.
I'd been home for about three months now. I stay quite. I look and listen. I did comments. Before i realise that it is absolutely useless. People show their true selves when occasion like this happened. My mom had always been the 'bank' for her side of family. Everyone is looking at her whenever they are in trouble. Problems involving moneys, etc... Name all of it, she has done better. She, i think both of my parents are the same. They always help others to some extend that they put others more than their own kids. I remembered when i was young, they helped others, financially, then when I asked for a rubber (eraser) my dad get angry and there I was going to school without rubber for more than a month i think. but of course i get some from my friends. Some even cut their's rubber into half. Half for me and half they kept for themselves. But then i get my own rubber by using money that I save. So those are the days. But i remember i did cut my eraser for them too. The circles went on and on. But i know why, actually maybe i lost my eraser to often that he went so angry and like malas to buy for me already.
But she has always been labelled as a very fierce garang lady. Her nieces and nephews, all are a lil bit scared of her. Why? because she is a teacher and all her siblings told their kids that she is. Sad right. How could you scare your kid of people so good like your own sister? How could they. But they did and so until now, their kids don't like her so much. Which i found very amusing, really. After all the graces and helps, my mom's bloods, sweats and tears working everyday teaching and helps them. Even she didn't have a mobile phone until the year 2005. While the other that she helped, had have them before that time. When they get the money, some of them always used it to do activities that they always do before they have the financial problems. Gambling etc... and when they get they money from my mom, they gamble them. I know that I'm still young. Tak cukup garam lagi, kurang ajar. I know that so well. But things like these, make me understand things from a very young age.
Money is alive. It will multiply when you know how to use them. It is powerful indeed. I'm not gonna lie. It is. When you have money, you can do anything in this world. You can even buy happiness when you use them wisely. But, when we are having problem like now, i realise that money can't do anything. Despite all the graces and helps that my parents did to people like all the time, when they are in problem like this, none did come to help. I feel horrible beyond words. The people who did come to help mostly are those whom my mom and dad never actually care and help. But they understand. Maybe they had been in the same situation where no one came to help them. And so they understand. But then i realise that maybe we never help others like these before too. Visiting others that are hospitalised. Helping them. We never did because we do not understand. But now I know. and I feel so sad for myself. I'd done nothing significant to others isn't it?
Money can't buy anything. Not even people hearts even when we did help them.
Money can't buy relationship. Even when they are our own siblings.
I'd learnt a lots lately. Mind-blowing. Terkejut, etc.. name all of it. I'd been through all of them. I understand a lot of things. To find happiness even in the darkest of time. I'd done that too. So, now i know what i have to start doing. When there is someone that are in this kind of situation in the future, i'll gladly give them a very warm hugs and help them in any way possible according to my own ability. If I have to tickle them to make them happy, I'll do it. What I am able to do, I'll do. Giving support is the only things that we need in times like this. The main dishes. The others are just side dishes.
As always, my sisters came back home every weekends. Most of the weekends. They are busy sometimes, working. It couldn't be help. I always get angry and complained when they didn't help me doing the chores on weekends. I demand that they'll help me be the janitor just for two days but they never did. Even worst I'll be disposing the 2-days-litters on Sunday night. They didn't do it. But i come to my senses that they are working people. They need rest too. and so i get it. and I just do it. 24/7. Being the janitor. Exposing myself to all of the microbes, germs. I'm a biotect student, reminding myself. I hope this will increase my immunity. I hope. But I still let go of my tantrum. Being the youngest member of the family, just let me let it go just like a crying baby. Sometimes. I hope that they will let me have my holiday just for 2 days. A three month vacation that i don't even have.
I'll be going back to college next month. September 7th, 2014. flight will be at noon and will be reaching before 5 pm. I never know that i want to do a lots of stuff before, but now I do. Pics that i wanna do right down below. Then.