I see things.

I'm busy. sad. and pathetic. i'd always want to be the one that people will turn up to. when someone is crying, they go and look for you. and i'll give them a hug and grant them comfort. but it is not easy, isn't it. 

lots of things happened lately. did group assignment. teammates sickly proud like hell, showing know-it-all face while being empty cans for all the time and keep on commenting everything i have done. brilliant isn't? poor soul, i just went on did whatever i think i should. just to get good grades. no other reasons. but i don't know whats wrong with these people. like, they don't even care about their marks or whatsoever. will never get that. why do they took the subject in the first place. people take other subject than the core one because it is easy and will help to increase their cgpa. but these people, enough with their bold head. is. entirely. amazing ignorance. no effort. everyone start from zero. but at the very least give an effort into it. i was dumbfounded. its a long story and im still going to tell them anyway. 

like i said.everyone start from the lowest level. and we gradually succeed steps by steps to the top. no matter how many trickery you use to the top, the most important thing is that we get it. use our critical organ called the brain. wisely. and so they don't want to even try doing it. my old laptop was very ancient that i used it to finished our assignment, and rest in peace because of it. and i even went to the faculty computer laboratory to do it. aside of being crazily busy. just like them. i'm an undergraduate student with the same course like them too. whats the difference? and i have to do these all on my on? i will never get this bullshit. no matter how hard i cried and telling myself that i forgive these amazing people. it still hurts. so deep. 

i'm good in acting. i think that's my problem that make these people even more irritating. i act happy all the time. i tried so hard and i made it. but these what happened when i didn't show the real one to people. i get shit. straight to my face. i didn't even get a sleep for 2 days. while they keep on complaining about their childish talk. no kidding. 

"looks can be deceiving". 

now i will never look them they same again. and i don't know how am  going to keep on meeting these people for 2 years. i just don't know. know what i actually feel right now? i feel like being a wallflower again. i think that i'm just like charlie. i see things. 

i think if you really do care about me then, you know about my dad. he is not fit. at. all. i'm scared. stress. and all the bad feeling come out. when i take my shower. listening to music. movies. i don't know what am i suppose to do. i'm not strong enough for these. people who never experience this kid of stuff will never understand. what will you do for your dying father? i don't know. i can't think. my final is just around the corner. and i can't think. i see things. i want him back healthy. being this lively dad that i know. the one who can do everything we his children can't. i don't know if this is what they called as fate. or destiny. is it true that good people go off early? but why?

and is it true that people nowadays just don't care anymore? what happened?

i need someone who understand and care. and not just ask and go laughing like nothing happened. i know it doesn't concern even a bit of your life. but seriously. if you have friends out there and sickly sad like me. please don't ignore them like my friends did. 

i never know that best friend could be a total stranger.

thats the reason why i'm best in being solitude.

p/s and mom. if you ever read this. please don't post things on facebook again. it makes me sad. :/


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