Beauty of Understanding

i went to the library today from dawn to dust doing some preparations for my upcoming mid-semester exams. not so much of a gettin all things inside my head but i'm trying and im feelin good at that. i hope that i'll never say something like, "i wasn't serious enough doing it," or "i didn't cover all the topics," ever again. i hope so. but if it will happen to be that even after all these effort that i put and i still can't make it, then i have nothing else to say. life must go on. you stop? you'll be left far behind. but before that lets see some beauties. 

Jennifer Lawrence
Lucy Liu
it always fascinate us when we see something so pretty. something beautiful. attractive. no? you're a complete liar if you deny that. and to be honest, i don't favour liars. but maybe some got reasons for doing it but unreasonable reasons are a complete trash. i lie too, but with reasons for a better path and to prevent getting trouble. like i always lie when the taxi driver ask too much about you. i rarely answer the correct one. but i feel sorry for that all the time. but beauty isn't always about the body, the appearance. it is rather so abstract or subjective i would say. like the beauty of understanding. friendship. love. they are so beautiful isn't it?  
remember me saying that i celebrated my christmas alone last year? i think that even my sis was wondering "huh, alone?". she might be wondering where are all my friends when i skyped with her.  i just didn't know too. i actually did lots of what people call as changes during the period, and i didn't deny it. and it actually did took some times for me to adjust to the new environment. i actually almost change everything. the ways of behaving, etc... but of course with reasonable reasons. but, no one go out there shouting about your problems. do you? but if it was me, as a friend. or even as the best of friend. when i see my friends look so down and depressed, i will ask them. why? and what?. i'll never accuse them of getting away because they hate me. will you? understanding as a friend. that's if you are a friend. but if you're not, then just go on accusing. 

i was having a very hard time on christmas last year. well those were the time when my result was out. and obviously it didn't turn out so well. i was so dead mentally, physically. i felt like i really want to cry a river till my eyes pop out. but no one cares. and i know how the world actually works that time onward and till now. how these people's mind work. i dare not say it here. but if you're thinking right now, you'll get what i meant. but my exschool buddies, groupmates unpredictably were so good and supportive. tho they get 4 flats too they still think about others. but these so-called good friends. i don't really know what happen. and i started to not even care much about it and then. and just because i didn't want them to worry about the problems that i am in, i didn't follow what they are obviously enjoying at that moment. they went practicing for the musical play every night. happy cheering. why? because of happiness. they get good results and i'm happy for that too. i'm so proud of having such friends. so genius so excellent. and i don't want to turn their happiness into sadness about me. but i just want to tell that i wasn't in a good condition at that moment and none of them know. my best of friend didn't even care. and they made lots of conclusion about me too. and all of those conclusion get to me. thats the weird part of it. 

but thanks goodness i actually did successfully gone through my metamorphosis (duhhh i know i'm annoying lol). and now im feelin lighter and mentally tougher that i actually able to write about these in my best kind of way. haha. i just feel good. good enough to breath all of these gasses around me. smiling till i fly touching the sky. but the point that im trying to say here is that, how awesome it would be if all people in this planet know how to be understanding and know how to acts right. we will have an awesome people in an awesome future.

sam (emma) and patrick actually look so good together. i love it!
and last, emma is still my #1 symbol of beauty,
 till then.


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